Work at Home Success By Jill Hart
Mom Laughs By Cheryl Moeller
Simplifying Motherhood By Trish Berg
Ask A Twin Mommy By Cheryl Lage
Mothering By Heart By Cheri Fuller
Jelly Mom By Lisa Barker
Family Check-up By Sheila Wray Gregoire
Parent to Parent By Jodie Lynn
Moments for Mom By Elisabeth Corcoran
Making the Most of Marriage By Paula Friedrichsen
My Twins Have Different Sleep Patterns!
February 18, 2004
By Cheryl Lage
QUESTION:
I have one year old twins, they are complete opposites.
My daughter sleeps through the night, as long as I don't let her brother cry too long. My son hasn't slept through the night...yet. They sleep in the same room, though in separate cribs. Our house is not set up where we can separate them into different rooms, and their room is connected to ours. Needless to say, when he wakes up and cries to be fed, everyone knows he's up. Any suggestions? Can I expect them to do anything the same? Need sleep!
ANSWER:
Bless your heart, you are amidst one of the biggest challenges of twinfanthood...the dreaded "different sleep patterns". BUT, give yourself some credit, you are on the right path. . .
Believe it or not, I think keeping them in the same room (albeit in different cribs) is a very good thing, and in the long run, it won't be detrimental to their sleeping well. With the passage of time, quite the opposite has proven true for us!
You are half-way there if sister is sleeping through. Here's my tips for getting brother to join her in drowsy bliss so that mom & dad can get some, too:
When brother begins to cry, go in their room (if avoidable, DO NOT pick him up), rub his chest, reassure, remind him it's "sleepy time", tell him you love him, and leave fairly quickly. If he continues to cry (which for the first night or two of this "learning process", he probably will), give him 5 minutes, and repeat almost verbatim what you just did. (Hopefully, sister will not wake up...but if she does, do the same non-pick up reassurance with her.) If he still cries, give him 10 minutes this time before you return to repeat the same reassurance. Still crying? 15 minutes. You get the picture.
If he wants food, he needs to be reminded that it isn't time to eat right now, we'll have breakfast in the morning. (I know, he's only 12 months and may not fully understand, but that part of the middle of the night exhausted Mom practice helps solidify the routine for you!! :) )
I am assuming he is healthy, and you want him on a predictable schedule. At one year, he should easily make it through the night (at least 7-8 hours without eating.)
Beforewarned, if you "cave" in and give him food or pick him up and carry to your bed, etc., he has just learned that crying = food/nuzzling/whatever, and he'll continue to do it. ..thus preventing the whole family from getting the much-needed rest.
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The relearning process could easily take a few highly-challenging nights, BUT STAY THE COURSE!!!! Lapses in consistency will cause you to have to restart from ground zero.
I wish there was an answer that didn't force you to endure a few sleep-challenged evenings (who knows? He may only need a night or two.), but consider it an investment in your family's long term regular rest.
Good news & reassurance: We implemented this plan, and rarely did we ever have to endure the 15 minute window of crying before they figured out to calm themselves down. (You may have some more challenge with it since he's used to being calmed...but I understand the fear of woken sibling! Right there with you, Sister!) Essentially, that's the goal; to get them to calm themselves. They will be SOOOO much better off, in the long run. We as moms & dads feel very needed calming them down, but it gets old, as you've discovered!
More good news: At 29 months, ours are still in the same room. They're on a matching schedule and hubby and I hear them giggling & playing in the morning, thus entertaining themselves, and allowing us an extra window of rest. A twin challenge can become a twin benefit! I wish you the best of luck as you work toward simultaneous sleep. If you try this method and stick with it unflinchingly, my guess is you'll be resting well within 4 days max. Again, as is the case with so much of twin raising; consistency is KEY. Otherwise, one or both get "confused" and you have to start from scratch. That's the LAST thing you need!
Let me know how it goes! I'll be thinking of you and wishing you speedy resolution!!!
Congrats on your twins, and keep in touch!
-Cheryl
Feel free to contact me with your experiences in twin potty-training, or with any twin parenting dilemnas you may have at http://www.twinsights.com. I hope to hear from you!
© Cheryl Lage, 2004-
Author of "Twinspiration: Real-Life Advice From Pregnancy Through the First Year" from Taylor Trade Publishing (2006), Cheryl is a fully-mobile, full-time mom to four-year-old fraternal twins, Darren and Sarah. Cheryl's unabashed honesty, vigilantly supportive style, and willingness to share "what works" have made her a requested speaker on a broad range of topics, twin-related, and otherwise. Check out her website @ twinsights.com.