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When the possession-based conflict is taking place over an object (e.g. a toy, or even the puppy) that can be removed from the environment; DO IT. Swoop down with maternal leadership (and size advantage! ;) ) and when you hear the word “Mine!”, extract the contested object of dual desire from the arena. Explain that in families, we share and/or take turns. By screaming and yelling and fighting, they are showing you they aren’t able to do that with certain things. Until they prove they can, the object is going away.
Be ready for a REAL deafening decibel increase the first few times you implement the “Toy Time-Out” course of discipline.

Now I am NOT saying the object needs to go away long term with each removal. Once you have removed a toy from their grabbing grips and placed it out of sight and reach, and you can be heard over the wailing (and it may take a bit the first few times), calmly say something along the lines of the following:

“I know you both love the _______, and I want you both to have an opportunity to enjoy it. We are going to take turns. Twin A will have 5 minutes of time with the toy all to herself. I’m going to set this timer (or oven-beeper, whatever makes a noise. If they know their numbers, and you have clock visible, you can say, when the big hand gets to the _______) for that long. When it goes off (or the hand gets to the ____ ), it is Twin B’s turn. If you think you all can handle that well, I will bring the toy back. If you prove you cannot, it’s going away again. Ready to try? I think you can do it, you’re really big girls now, and that is a big girl way to handle this.”

If they cannot handle (or elect not to participate in) sharing, then take that toy away for a full day (or longer) and dangle it as a motivator for improving their interaction.

When it comes to YOU, your time is more valuable (and I’m guessing if your home is anything like ours, more sought after) than any toy. DO NOT FOR A MINUTE ALLOW THE FACT THAT YOUR TIME AS A TWIN MOM BY NATURE’S DESIGN MUST BE DIVIDED “GUILT” YOU INTO IMMEDIATELY DROPPING WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING TO GIVE ONE-ON-ONE TIME TO A WHINING BABY/TODDLER!!!! If you do, guaranteed you will hear more whining, arguing, crying, etc. than you have EVER heard before because it won’t take long for the girls to figure out that Mommy responds to that (annoying) behavior with their desired result. They aren’t being intentionally manipulative; they are just trying different actions in attempts to find out what brings them their desired result most often. (Same thing happened when they were little babies and cried when a diaper needed changing…they learned cry = diaper change, so cry they did. For newborns, that’s fully acceptable, and smart learning.)

However, at two, they are more capable (as you’ve learned) of using words to explain what they’d like. Remind them that they need to use those words nicely (and in a non-yelling/whiny tone) to ask for what they’d like. Screaming, yelling, whining, and Heaven forbid, physical aggression will NEVER result in the desired playtime, toy, time with Mommy, whatever. When they are fighting over you, let them know there is nothing you’d rather do than play with them, BUT, you don’t enjoy that way of being asked to play…and you certainly don’t want to play with fighting girls. If they can calm it down, you’ll happily play with them both, or read them both a story…etc. If you think they are seeking some ‘One-on-one” time, as regimented as it seems, treat yourself similarly to the much-wanted toy….indicate that you will play with Twin A for a while, and then Twin B.

Does all of this sound too elevated? Believe me, it’s not. The girls will eventually rise to the bar/expectation you set for them. Be sure to remember to compliment them on their behavior when they do! (It’s hard when you are so happy for the long-awaited silence to “break” it for the compliment, but do! It’s perhaps the most effective part of the disciplinary plan.)

Don’t feel when the undesired behaviors don’t stop right away that your girls don’t “get it”, or your method “isn’t working”. Each implementation reiterates your expectations. Your expectations aren’t changing, so stay the course.

Wonderfully, as the twins get older they WILL learn how to provide each other fantastic company…and you will have many maternal misty-eye inspiring moments of together time. This is a bit of the “dues-paying” to get there!

On the issue of time with their Daddy, do you have a good sleep schedule for the girls in place? Are they doing a good job “sleeping through”? My hubby and I have found that was the most-effective key to allowing us much needed “time together”.
Granted, it was in-house, downstairs while the kids either “slept” or were preparing to…but we were “together” nonetheless. (If you do need some tips on getting night hours squared away, let me know….I have some quick links to other similar situations that might help.)