Messy Meals With Multiples
December, 2004
By Cheryl Lage
QUESTION:
My twins are 17 months old. I try to allow them to hold toddler utensils and I try to guide them on how the utensils are used, but they haven't grasped concept yet. I see kids younger than them using utensils. How can help train them so that I can feed them food other than finger food?
Any suggestions? Thank you.
ANSWER:
Utensils, cups (without lids or sippie tops), potties.
You've hit one of the triumverate of physical challenges I feel are particularly daunting to us as twin parents.
With even ONE infant/toddler attempting to effectively use any of those three, the unavoidable mess and potentially lengthy duration of the process strikes anxiety in parental hearts.
For twin parents?
The imagined/predicted images are pretty horrifying! (And the reality equally so...but not on an every meal basis.)
Not that it is true in your case, but for twin parents to introduce those challenges a little "later" than their singly-blessed counterparts is not uncommon. Not necessarily for perceived "slowness" or adjusted gestational age of their children, but rather for us as parents to muster the energy to address the task positively and with a developed game plan.
What makes it all worse, is the comparisons we cannot seem to avoid making as moms....e.g. "Billy could say 'Mama' at 7 months." "Katie was walking at 9 months." and the like. We love our children so intensely, the thought of them not measuring up or lagging behind the developmental norms adds to our maternal stresses. The interesting,but truthful, corollaries to those comparisons are never vocalized.
For instance, "You know, once we started potty training, Sarah took five months before she'd poo on the potty." "Darren didn't get a single tooth until 14 months."
Get what I'm driving at?
The "advanced" achievements are well-publicized and publicly displayed. The totally normal, but not "early", timeframes for mastering those accomplishments get little press.
Important to keep in mind is the fact that when the kids enroll in school, there is no questionaire to complete asking for the exact age your children were when they rolled over, sat up, walked, or even used utensils.
Here's my biggest piece of "advice" for you:
Relax!!! Give yourself a bit of a break.
In doing a bit of research, it seems there is a VERY broad scope/window within which learning to handle utensils is expected.
One source cited between 12-17 months.
Another between 13-18 months.
Yet another indicated between the ages of 1-2.
All of the previous were in “reputable” books and on the web(from various sources) as "the right times" for infants/toddlers to begin to increase their utensil dexterity.
Another source stated that by 20 months, a toddler should be "using a fork and spoon, but not exclusively".
Interestingly enough, one website stated that children should begin using a fork and spoon between 12-18 months, but for parents not to expect them to use utensils with adult-like coordination (I assume that means close to mess-free, as well as hand-positioning) until around age FOUR! (There's some reassurance, eh?) I wish all milestone/expectation charts incorporated a description of what EXACTLY should be accomplished and when, instead of implying that every child should have completely mastered certain skills in the time frames projected.
Perhaps the most-highly regarded entity in developmental expectations is The American Academy of Pediatrics.Their tome, "Caring for Your Baby and Young Child: Birth to Age 5" lists "Uses fork and spoon (and sometimes) table knife" as a milestone in hand and finger skills to be accomplished/expected between three and five. You've got some time to spare!
Now I am not suggesting you stop introducing utensils, give them all finger foods, and spoon/fork feed them yourself ; but please do not think for a moment that your children are experiencing a "lag" for their lack of interest in, or facility with, eating utensils at 17 months.
In your shoes, here's what I'd do (take it, leave it, use it as a leaping point):
With every meal that has a utensil appropriate food item, place a utensil on their high chair tray, or at their place setting.
Consider placing a morsel of food in the scoop of the spoon, or on the tines of the fork to spur their interest. You can place your hand over theirs to "guide" a few times, but I'd then let them go at it.
Consider "reloading" their utensils throughout the meal...especially if they have laid the utensil aside in favor of finger-feeding.
There are so many elements to coordinate when using a utensil, but we do it so naturally, we don't realize how complex a ritual eating with a fork or spoon is! They might get their first glimmers of success by just mastering how to get a food-laden utensil into their mouths without having to worry about "loading" it first.
You may just let them "play" with them a bit, to get the feel. Don't know if you eat your meals with them (I didn't often), but maybe the example of you using a spoon or fork alongside them would be a good motivator. If the mess factor has you befuddled, serve easy to clean up foods when you have utensils in the picture. Dry cereal. Pieces of cut-up cooked veggies. Hold off on the yogurt and cereal with milk until some strides have been made!
Also, just because a set of utensils is "made for toddlers" does NOT mean it is easy to use! We had purchased some cute, brightly-colored little sets with wide handles bent in a dramatic curve...apparently to ease their use. Our twosome was working to aim the spoons at their food, and then try to redirect this uncannily angled utensil into their mouths without the food slipping off. They were a nightmare.
Another set had almost perfectly round ball-like handles "for little hands". They had to concentrate so hard to keep a grip, that to add the concept of scooping food and getting it to mouth was an impossibility.
Explore some different designs. Early on (and for us, 17 months was early on!) we found they had the best success using the same spoons we had fed them with. (Straight handle, shallow bowled spoons.)
Don't worry if they "don't get much on the utensil"...from a messiness point of view, it helps! The mealtimes may well take longer for all the repeated dipping/scooping needed, but the repetition helps them learn.
Now, at age three, a set we got from the Dollar Tree (6 spoons and 6 bluntly pronged plastic forks for one dollar) is their absolute favorite, from an ability to manuever point of view. Oddly enough, their favorite "big kid cups" are also Dollar Tree finds...sippies withthe lids discarded. Indestructible, dishwasher-top-rack-safe plastic.
You know, I'm not sure if you find any of this helpful...but my ultimate message/suggestion is to not worry about "kids younger than them using utensils." Chances are, your twosome will do/has done things earlier than others. Those benchmarks so readily doled out by parenting/pediatric texts and websites, not to mention the parents showing off their over-achievers in the Food Courts, make it so easy to worry about our children's progress.
Always keep your pediatrician in the loop, and express you concerns. My gut tells me your twosome is going to be just fine!!
You know, if I had to pick rapid progress with either eating utensils or the potty....I'd pick the potty! Maybe you'll pay some dues in feeding, and reap the windfall in ease of in potty-training!!!
In the meantime, I'm rooting for you all. Please let me know how things go!
All the best-
Cheryl
Feel free to contact me with your experiences in twin potty-training, or with any twin parenting dilemnas you may have at http://www.twinsights.com. I hope to hear from you!




