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Like you, I have often felt I spend the majority of my time correcting the “incorrect” behaviors to the point of often forgetting to compliment the clearly good behaviors when they are apparent.

Occasionally, the compliments will have two-fold results….not only in justly recognizing the well-behaved twin, but in motivating the twin who is straying from ideal behaviors. Even if the misbehaving twin does NOT alter behavior for the better based on seeing their sibling so ardently lauded, still be sure to lavish praise on the good behaviors you see from the deserving twin.

Sometimes when we feel we are “yelling” (or even talking/correcting calmly) at them all the time, when those moments of peace occur, we’re so happy for the peaceful silence we neglect to use the opportunity to as the old song says, “accentuate the positive”! I cannot tell you how many times when I have made a concerted effort to verbally reinforce a peaceful, playing nicely together (or apart) moment, that not only do the twins smile proudly and continue the desired behavior, but MY attitude changes for the better by increased awareness of the “happy times”!

Night and nap wandering. Yelling. Swinging. Temper ill-displayed. We have seen the same. Not to scare you, but at age four, we STILL see the same on occasion. Ultimately, once you’ve picked your “battles” and know which undesirable behaviors will merit genuine correction, handle them with disciplinary consistency. Getting out of bed after nighttime for anything other than a legitimate (and believe me, we had many “fakes”) potty trip is most definitely a “battle” we elected to pick in our home. Of course you cannot “time-out” a child who is already “time-outted” for the night! So what to do?

We have employed various methods with great efficacy. We’ve altered them with maturation and changing “values” of activities/toys/events in the lives of our twosome. For instance, if they have a “fun” activity slated for the next day, it becomes the dangled carrot for expected behavior. Be ready to stand by your guns if they “call your bluff”. Don’t “threaten” a withdrawn activity/privilege unless you confirm with yourself that you are ready stand by your word. We have also said, “The next time we need to come up here (or in your case, hear footsteps), the music is going off/your cuddly toy is going away for the night, etc. And we have followed up on our promise with tremendous future behavior altering (for the better!). Of course, for that night, be ready for a deafening protest upon implementation of your “punishment”, but they WILL learn you have expectations and will not tolerate intentional violations.

Back to battle picking: If you indeed feel you are correcting non-stop (and you may well be doing so justifiably…we have windows/phases of that as well), it may be time to step back and confirm that your “corrections” are truly for behaviors that are ones that you feel must be halted in order for your twins to become socially-acceptable, well-mannered, and ultimately happy & healthy adults. Clearly, fists, kicking, physical violence, wandering after bedtime, I agree with you on all of those. And as a mother of a temper-rich daughter, I can empathize fully with your frustration. (Case in point: Yesterday when Sarah did not “get to have the toy Darren has” she proceeded to yell “I am angry!” We have encouraged her to use words to explain how she is feeling, but yelling it, and following it up with a punch to the wall and vehement stomping brought it to a borderline tantrum.) When those physically overwrought demonstrations of anger occur now, it is a “do not pass go, no opportunity for time-out on the bottom step, straight to your room until you can get yourself composed” event in our home. Naturally, the first few times of escalated anger, I had to carry her there. Now she fully realizes what “happens next” upon outburst and goes up angrily on her own. Granted, it is a small step in the right direction, but she is learning behaviors beget consequence!

Hang in there. If it makes you feel any better, you are FAR from alone…and simply by stating “you don’t want to yell anymore” indicates that you are working diligently to remain consistent in your correction.

When passers-by ask me “Is having twins really twice the work?” I rarely go into a full explanation. Since my twins are usually with me when the question is asked, I typically respond, “In some areas it is, but I can guarantee you the doubled fun makes a great pay off!” In truth, the necessity of doubled discipline is one of those instances where indeed “having twins IS twice the work.” Feel better knowing that your frustration/exhaution reveals that you are indeed doing your doubled duty!