Parent to Parent By Jodie Lynn
Moments for Mom By Elisabeth Corcoran
Ask A Twin Mommy By Cheryl Lage
Mothering By Heart By Cheri Fuller
Jelly Mom By Lisa Barker
Family Check-up By Sheila Wray Gregoire
Simplifying Motherhood By Trish Berg
Making the Most of Marriage By Paula Friedrichsen
"Bye-Bye, Binkies!"
June, 2004
By Cheryl Lage
QUESTION:
Our 23 month old twins still use their binkies frequently throughout the day. They always go to sleep with them at night, and sleep like rocks...which their Daddy and I love. At this point, I know they are getting a bit "old" for them, but I dread taking them away. Many friends have recommended "making up Pacifier Fairy stories", but I'd rather not create a big (and false) scenario about it. I'd rather be done with them entirely. Did you have a problem of this type, and if so, what do you suggest?
ANSWER:
If it makes you feel any better, our pediatrician informed us that the "suck urge" is typically present until age two. Granted, you are closing in on the "deadline", but don't feel badly that your twosome is "older" than the norm in their soother suckage!
That said, we indeed experienced the same challenge...and like you, it was made more difficult by the anticipated lack of sleep. Ours were using pacis exclusively at naps and nighttime for a few months before we decided they had to go. You may elect to wean them into those time frames before you take them away altogether.
Here's our take, to take or leave:
To eliminate day use, when they wake up in the morning, just leave the binkies in their cribs/beds. If they ask for them during waking hours, respond with something along the lines of, "You all are 23 months old now, and when you get to be that big, binkies are for bedtimes only." And stand your ground.
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You sound similar to me in that the appeal of fairy-tale characters who were in desperate need of pacifiers felt far-fetched. Granted, folks have employed that style/method for years, and with great success. For me, it rang too unbelievably to pull off with any grace or stamina. (Before you call me Scrooge, I am happy to announce that the Easter Bunny and Santa both frequent our home; and in future years, I am sure the Tooth Fairy will as well.)
We decided to cold turkey the pacis, and as you can guess/predict, it doesn't meet with a happy response.
However, we decided that it would be counterproductive to give the pacis back when they "freaked out". Then, they would just learn that they HAD to freak out in order to get them back.
The first night was difficult for a couple of hours, but once they realized we were serious, and meant the era of binkies was over, they "got it". The next morning when they awoke, we had a congratulatory praise-fest full of "You did it!"s and "Great job!"s.
That doesn't mean they didn't ask for the the pacis. They asked for them at naps and at night for two more days, but we always responded with "You know you can do it! You have done it before...you're such a big boy & girl..." They'd smile and go down with no more complaint.
That first night (or two) is VERY hard, but in reality, it just prolongs the situation to give the pacis back when you as a parent cannot take it anymore.
At this point, when our twosome sees children younger than they are with a pacifier they coo, "Awwww, look at the sweet baby!"
And of course naturally I was concerned, knowing that eventually (and likely at the doctor's office) they'd see an older child with a binky, happily sucking away. Amazingly, when that very situation occurred, our twins looked at the boy, and then at me. My son whispered quietly to me (as if he didn't want to embarrass the boy), "He doesn't feel good, that's why he has a pacifier."
Toddlers are insightful, and surprisingly don't always need our explanations!
I wish your twins (and you) a rapid acclimation to a binky-free household, and speedily-achieved, sleep-filled nights full of self-soothing!
Feel free to contact me with your experiences in twin potty-training, or with any twin parenting dilemnas you may have at http://www.twinsights.com. I hope to hear from you!
© Cheryl Lage, 2004-
Author of "Twinspiration: Real-Life Advice From Pregnancy Through the First Year" from Taylor Trade Publishing (2006), Cheryl is a fully-mobile, full-time mom to four-year-old fraternal twins, Darren and Sarah. Cheryl's unabashed honesty, vigilantly supportive style, and willingness to share "what works" have made her a requested speaker on a broad range of topics, twin-related, and otherwise. Check out her website @ twinsights.com.
Read Cheryl's Ask A Twin Mommy column at C'Moms